Beauty · Lifestyle · My Journey ...

Why I can’t accept myself the way I am !

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Maybe you were always meant to be this size 😖…

I never complain, never talk about my diet nor promote my plant-based lifestyle in my inner circle… The fact is I hate when people make their diet or exercice the only subject they ever talk about. The one exception is my Saturday post, and that is because it’s part of my therapy!!!

Today’s subject relates to a friend’s comment who, after seeing me drink my greens, my lemon/honey water and increased my exercise level (meaning less time for friends’  gatherings), point blank told me: “Why don’t you accept yourself the way you are and be done with it????” When such a comment comes from a thin and fit person, endless to say that I was boiling inside. Accepting myself right now would be conceding defeat and truth be told, I’ve previously been in great shape, and I know how good I feel when I’m fit and feeling good about my body. It would certainly make for a good post If I wrote that “Big is beautiful!”, that “I love my huge curves”, that “climbing a flight of stairs and being out of breath is awesome!”? No way in HELL, will I or should I accept being that miserable. I’M not making those sacrifices or changing my way of living for the neighbour, my boyfriend, family members or anyone else; this is a selfish decision to increase my stamina, improve my health and enhance my self esteem. I’m not whining or looking for a pat on the back, I’m just very pissed at these comments that are coming too frequently these days!

Instead of searching for acceptance from my peers, I’m more interested in finding out why, in the last two years, I haven’t found the motivation or discipline to achieve my goals. Maybe I needed to hit rock bottom, and believe me, those last months, I felt like I did big time. Moving forward, knowing that I WILL succeed makes me feel 100 times better in my overweight skin, even though I know that there are some difficult times ahead…   Knowing it will happen is everything, thinking positive is a big step to recovery and improvement. Never IF but WHEN !!!!

I went clothes shopping …

At work, I wear a uniform and at home, for the past two years, I’ve literally wore (and just about ripped everyone of them) sweats; I’m sure you’ve never seen such a girly, full maked-up girl in sweats though!!! So, since BeardMan and I are planning a vacation for the beginning of 2017, I thought it would be good to take advantage of all those end-of-summer sales to buy a couple of items (you know the Frugal Ingrid). I HATE shopping and I truly didn’t know my size: the results are in: size 12 (borderline 14 for some brands) in pants, skirts and shorts, and large for all the rest! Maybe sometimes I should go for a size smaller but when I gained weight, I try to go for loose garments instead of those adjusted, slim fitted outfits. Force to admit that going from a size 6 to a tight 12 in a short period, it sucks! I bought nice clothes but these are not my style, they are mostly overweight friendly (I look like my mom – oh! gosh). At least, it beats the sweats and my boyfriend’s t-shirts.

You may think that a size 12 is not that bad, and maybe it’s not… I’ve weighted 210+ pounds not that long ago (threw the scale away and went on a diet a year later, so I don’t know my all-time highest weight), so 12 is OK I guess. But honest to God, if I were to go back to this point again, I wouldn’t be able to fight it. I have done it before so, for me, it’s now or never.

💠Recap of my journey …Week 3💠

An old myth  mentioned that it takes about 21 days to create habits and this is true for me (not so in the scientific literature but who cares); it starts not to suck as much to eat differently and to exercice instead of watching Netflix (anyway, Suits season 4 and 5 are not that great!)

Training…

I think I went a little overboard in my first two weeks and this week, I was feeling very sluggish for two days. But all in all, I’m happy to be moving/training everyday!

Food…

I don’t know if it’s because it’s Summer but I just can’t cook, I’ve bought a ton of ready, “healthy version” meals, but still, it’s not my ultimate goal! I would prefer eating some great veggies and fruits, homemade recipes and just enjoy cooking instead of microwaving…

I always had the sweetest tooth, so instead of cutting dessert altogether, I’ve bought 90 calories desserts that I enjoy a lot and are not too damaging. Deprivation is the worst!

Motivation …

My motivation is sky high, to the point that this journey cannot fail; it’s more a question of how long will it take. I have to thank all of you for your kind words and support.

Relaxation …

Week 3 and I’m not more relaxed; I think (if it’s possible) I may be more hyped and everywhere. At this point, I need to consider taking some sort of classes where I won’t be able to jump everywhere like a Mexican jumping bean (I hope!)

Not everything is about Glitz & Glamour! Happy Saturday and be happy:)

Capture d’écran 2016-04-09 à 11.04.01

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Email:CurlySpringBlossom@gmail.com

Disclaimer: I’m no doctor so I just talk about my own believes and personal experiences …

21 thoughts on “Why I can’t accept myself the way I am !

  1. I totally know what you mean. I recently did a post on how I’ve embraced the fact that I’m plus sized and it was kind-of a hard thing to write. On the one hand, it felt so empowering to finally admit to myself that this is the size that I am and to finally be able to shop for clothes that ACTUALLY fit me instead of crying because I keep trying to squeeze into things I WISH fit. At the same time though, this in no way means that I have to “accept this” as the end all be all which is kinda how your friend is making it sound… like “just give up and be happy with where you are” like she has the authority in YOUR life to tell you when you need to be happy with your size. There is a huge difference between accepting that you are a 12/14 (for now) and letting yourself just embrace a size 12/14 lifestyle for the rest of your life. It is okay to be where you are now, and you are still beautiful… but if that’s not where you want to be then you go on and work girl 😛

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  2. you can do it girl! just don’t force yourself so you won’t get frustrated, just take it easy and for sure you will achieve your goal. Everything is possible, just believe. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I know how that feels, I have friends that are dealing with the same concerns as you do and I always tell them that what matters most is the inside not the outside. You must be beautiful inside and out. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I sense the determination in your post! Do it for YOU and nobody else. People say things flippantly and they don’t know how it affects others. I know you’ll achieve your goals. Bottom line, you know something has to change for improvement your health (physical and mental).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The determination is there alright !!! I’m just so pissed for having let myself go that much😭
      Thanks for your constant support my friend 😘
      I feel so vulnerable in these posts, talking about makeup is much easier!😉

      Liked by 1 person

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